Love, Attachment and the Self

This life is a sensory experience, we were given a physical body with which we can experience the outside world. We can touch, we can feel, we can hear, we can see. The human experience is the most precious gift that we will ever be given, and the human body in which we reside is the most complex system in the known universe.  All that surrounds us can excite the senses in some way. From a very young age these experiences have taught us that all and any stimulation or feeling comes to us from that which is external to us.  As a child, external stimuli excites us and makes us happy, we want a particular toy because we like the colour of it and we want to own it. We covet it. We become possessive of this particular thing because we view it as ours. We place value on it. We find that these external things provide us with happiness which says to us that happiness is to be found outside of us.

 

As we grow and get bigger these feelings of attachment towards external things grow within us and so do our wants and desires. As we get older and we grow, we become bolder in our discovery of the world and our explorations grow more diverse. Our wants become more complex. Our childish wants of toys and playthings are gone because we seek meaningful interaction with others. This is the natural evolution of this life and as we become more intelligent as a human being we seek relationships with those similar to us. Although, even though evolution has occurred on a particular level and there is innate intelligence involved, attachment toward the object of our desire can still remain.

People want to connect with others and feel connection…the spark that ignites between two people where there is mutual caring and understanding. Although there is a difference between attachment and connection, and we need to be aware of this. Human connection is a relationship where a person or a thing is linked or associated with something else. It is connection that people seek in a potential partner so they can share experiences with another who will listen to them and understand them. Attachment is borne of connection, although it can turn into something ugly when the connection turns into dependence.  In Buddhist philosophy, there are many writings on desire and attachment and the roles that they play in our lives. They say that attachment is a neediness, dependency and self-centredness, and that it weakens us as we give away our happiness to another. Whereas, Love strengthens us and we stay in charge of our own happiness. Attachment is all about me and what I can get from you, and Love is what I can give or do for you. Attachment is based in ego, and Connection based in Love. 

Ownership has been hard-wired in us since we were children when we wanted to own that toy because it looked good or was sparkly. We became attached to the toy and we wouldn’t let it go. This mode of thought has carried on through to adulthood where we still seek ownership of things. Many people enter relationships that begin with genuine connection, but eventually they can turn into a form of attachment. When this happens, one person (or both), become dependent on the other. The other person becomes a crutch or something to lean on, something which is relied upon on to get by. It is a good thing to be able to lean on a partner in times of hardship, and have somebody to help you when in need, although it is not healthy to rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. When your happiness is dependent on someone else and does not come from within yourself, it is a very dangerous place to be in, because you are relying on another to provide you with self-worth. True and lasting happiness needs to come from within us and we can’t rely on another to give it to us.

If we find love within ourselves we do not need to get it from another, a source of love will be found that never runs out. If we do not love ourselves it can lead to many issues such as a lack of self-confidence, insecurities, jealousy and unhappiness which leads to a negative life where happiness is hard to find. On the opposite side of the coin, if we love ourselves we’ll be more confident, positive and secure in the person that we are, and we don’t need justification of who we are from others. When we are the source of our own happiness and we do find that special connection with another, the journey with them will be a much more positive and smooth ride because of the sense of self-worth inherent within.

Be kind to yourself, and find your own inner source of Happiness.

Ben.

Sources:

https://kadampalife.org/2012/02/14/love-attachment-and-desire-according-to-buddhism/

https://zenhabits.net/falling-in-love/

Go with your gut.

Gut Health and the Brain 

There is now evidence as to why we should listen to our ‘gut instinct’ and follow the advice that it provides us. Intelligence is not just allocated to our cerebrum, it is also attributed to our stomach - which can also be called our ‘second brain’. We now know that there is an inherent connection between our stomach and our brain, with the two organs working in unison as a biological command centre.

It is important to be mindful of what we eat not just for the obvious health benefits that correct nutrition provides us, but also because of the messages that are sent to our brain when the food we eat reaches our stomach. Our brain is working all the time, from when we are asleep to when we are awake, it is literally ‘switched on’ 24/7. Our brain is the control centre which tells our bodies when to move, how to move and why to move.  All of these operations use up an immense amount of energy, and this energy is supplied via the food that we eat. The food we put into our body can be considered ‘fuel’ that propels our body forward and allows us to power on through the day. Just like the fuel we put in our cars, the fuel/food we put in our bodies differs greatly in quality. If we put a low-quality fuel in our car it will not perform at its best, but if we fill it with a high-grade fuel it will perform optimally. The same is true with our bodies: if we fill it with junk food, it will not perform at its best, but if we eat nutritionally sound foods which are found in a balanced diet, we will perform at  our best.

So, when we eat well, both our brain and our body is performing at their best due to this direct line of communication from our stomach to our brain - Happy stomach, happy mind. This direct line of communication between the brain and the stomach is known as the microbiome axis, and communication is made via roughly 100 million nerve cells that line our gastrointestinal tract. The gut and the brain communicate via the nervous system, and the immune system. The microbiome (located in our gastrointestinal tract) releases neurotransmitters (chemical messengers) which communicate with the brain directly. This pathway from the stomach to the brain comes via a neural pathway known as the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is part of the parasympathetic nervous system and connects our brain, gut, heart and liver as well as other organs in the body.

Due to this connection between the stomach and the brain where there is a line of communication, we can see that what we put into our bodies can also affect our mental health. Interestingly, the majority of the neurotransmitter Serotonin (roughly 95%) is produced in the gastrointestinal tract, and it is this which regulates sleep, appetite, and also our moods. So when we have high amounts of serotonin in our bodies, we are on a ‘natural high’, although when we are lacking sufficient amounts of serotonin in our brain and bodies we get depressed. Therefore it is in our best interest to eat the foods that will increase serotonin production and keep us in a positive state of mind.

The functioning of our gut health, depends greatly on the amount of ‘good’ bacteria that is found within our intestinal microbiome. These ‘good’ bacteria play an essential role in our overall health and they help protect us by creating a strong barrier against toxins as well as ‘bad’ bacteria present in our bodies. They also improve our bodies’ ability to absorb nutrients from our food, and most importantly they will activate the necessary neural pathways that travel directly between the gut and the brain.

With this knowledge, we know that what we eat affects our brain chemistry, our moods and the way our bodies perform, so it is important that we start taking note of how our bodies feel when eating certain foods. The ‘cleaner’ we eat, the better we feel, so it is best to cut out or at least cut down on the amount of processed foods eaten, and especially the amount of sugar consumed. 

A great way to improve gut bacteria is by the addition of fermented foods into your diet such as kombucha, kimchi or probiotic yoghurt (just watch out for the sugar content in the yoghurt). Fermented foods are the best way to improve digestive health and create plenty of free-radical fighting good gut bacteria.  Eat more fruit and vegetables and cut back on starchy foods like pasta, rice and bread which can cause bloating. Foods have a great impact on our overall body health and eating a diet high in good whole foods whist cutting out processed sugary foods is the best way to achieve this. By eating a cleaner diet people feel better physically and emotionally and feel ‘lighter’ in their person due to a lack of heavy foods present in their diet.

Yours in Health,              

Ben,

References:

http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/nutritional-psychiatry-your-brain-on-food-201511168626

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201404/the-gut-brain-connection-mental-illness-and-disease

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2014/01/02/food-affects-mood.aspx