Zen and the Art of Conscious Relationships

Some might cringe when they hear the term ‘conscious relationships’, and this is understandable, it can seem like a bit of a pretentious term, but it is actually a very important term and one that is incredibly apt in its definition. So being conscious means that we are aware of what is happening around us, and of course, of the relationship which we are in. Hence, we are aware of our relationship, what is happening within it and how we act within it.

I am not the best person to be talking about this topic as I have many failed relationships behind me…in some I have been the problem, and in others it was the other person. But from these previous relationships, I have learnt something from each one. I have learnt how I act and react in certain situations, what programs of conditioning have played out over the course of relationships, and what patterns of conditioning were learnt over time. But, the main thing is that I have learnt lessons from these relationships and have done my best to not replay past programs or patterns, but to be conscious of them so I can better the relationship I am currently in.

In relationships, individuals can be quite selfish even if they do not mean to be. It seems that many people are in them until the partnership no longer serves them in some way and then they will move on. This can be fair enough, because sometimes the other person is just not right for you and the partnership will not work, so as a result parting is inevitable. Other times, the other person might match you in all conceivable ways and you are great as a partnership. But, always in relationships, we are challenged, and sometimes when we are challenged, we as humans like to turn the other way. Because, challenges can be hard and we want easy. We want to remain in our zone of comfort and not feel uncomfortable. Although as we know, growth occurs through adversity. In adversity, the challenge (whatever it may be) when it is confronted can allow us to grow as individuals. Challenges in any form are an opportunity for us to grow and evolve. When we are in that great place with someone, but we come up to a speed bump, don’t let that speedbump define the relationship, speedbumps will always be there so see the speedbump as a challenge to be overcome to allow growth.

When two people are in a relationship and an issue arises, if either party is not aware of what is happening and complications arise as a result a result of the issue, things could snowball fairly quickly, and before you know it a verbal fight could ensue. This is why it is so important to nurture a relationship and to allow it to be healthy through awareness of what is happening. A relationship can be a great opportunity for transformation and growth, and we can learn the most about ourselves in them.

In a healthy, conscious relationship, there are certain principles that need to be followed for us to allow the relationship to grow and to allow for our own continued growth on a personal level. These principles need us to be self-aware of the conditioned programs that we run in ourselves and also those repetitive cycles that we have played out in previous relationships. It is important and necessary to have an environment of honesty where all feelings are not hidden and are shared with your significant other. These feelings do not always have to be of the happy and positive variety, and more often than not they won’t be…anger, sadness, fear… all is fair game. As they say, sharing is caring! We also need to be self-aware and notice our feelings and thoughts, and share them with our partner. Finally, we need to realise that our Integrity is essential. It is so important that we say what we do and we do what we say. We need to follow through on our words or our promises.

Be awake and aware of who you are and the relationship you are in. This nurtures you as a person and the relationship you are in. Only growth can come from this.

Yours in health,

Ben :-)

Samurai warriors, universal connection and how to realise our purpose in life.

The Japanese have a certain way with words… they can evoke feelings of strength, honour and loyalty. This has much to do with Japanese culture and their own code of morals and of the traits that they think are important for an individual to have in life. The meanings of their words and the terms they use have a romantic sense to them also, they can convey mystique and entire concepts which can paint a picture in your minds’ eye.  Much of Japanese culture can be attributed to the feudal system of medieval Japan which arose at the collapse of aristocratic rule in approximately 1400 AD and lasted for roughly 200 years. During this period, a relative age of chaos was ushered in which was appropriately called The Warring States period. It was during this time that samurai warriors came to the fore and fought for the honour of their state, their master and most importantly their lord. The samurai warriors were known as bushi (warrior) and the creed that they lived by was called Bushido (Way of the Warrior). Bushido is a rigid value system of discipline and honour that required the samurai to live and die in the service of their lords. Much of this way of life (minus the act of seppuku or ritual suicide as it is known) from feudal times has remained in the collective consciousness of the Japanese people, and is inherent in their way of life, their speech and their language- although the act of seppuku is still used in organisations such as The Yakuza where dishonour is frowned upon and does result in ritual death.

There are two particular concepts from Japan that encapsulate the Japanese way of life, Zen teachings and the elemental forces that can be found in universal connection. These concepts are very beautiful, and in a very succinct manner, and without being too verbose or wordy cut right to the core and explain simply and easily the purpose of life. These two words, which both convey entire concepts are Yugen and Ikigai. If you know anything of Zen Buddhism, you will perhaps know the concept of Yugen. Zen Buddhism lies at the heart of Japanese culture, and has its roots in the awakening of Siddhartha Gautama, also known as The Buddha, 2500 years ago. In essence, Zen Buddhism is a method of self-discovery which is found through meditation, as well as the experience of presence that is found by living in the present moment. Japanese ideals are heavily influenced by Zen Buddhism where all things are considered to be either evolving or dissolving into nothingness- although this nothingness is not an empty space, but a space of potentiality. Through this process of self-discovery through the practices of meditation and experiential living we also realise that we are most alive and connected with the elements around us. Hence Yugen. Yugen is an awareness of the Universe that triggers an emotional response which is too deep and powerful for words. It is an innate connection with the universe and all within it, a knowing that we are a part in the inter-connectedness of all things and an active part of the Universal Consciousness. Yugen applies to our experience in this world and in this lifetime, and this implies that we are aware of our spiritual connection to all things.

Secondly, we have the word Ikigai. This word is comprised of two separate words which are iki which refers to life, and kai which roughly translates to ‘the realisation of what one expects and hopes for’.  Ikigai therefore translates to ‘our reason for being’. To get to the point where you find what your reason for being is, you will need to bring together four principal areas of our life which are namely our passion, our mission, our preferred vocation and our profession. Ikegai is the space that is found at the intersecting point (imagine a Venn diagram), and is seen as the source of value that makes one life truly worthwhile, or the reason why we get up in the morning. The word is more often used to refer to the mental and spiritual state behind our circumstances, and does not really take into account financial status to a large degree. Ikegai is often a response to natural and spontaneous actions that emerge from a deep and direct connection to life at large and the world around us. This is our life purpose. In Japanese culture, everyone is thought to have an ikegai, but to find it can require deep enquiry and introspection; a search of self which is highly regarded.

So, both of these concepts give us the ability to connect to the universe in a very deep, natural and organic way, which can make us become more motivated and proactive in our day-to-day life. The process of understanding these concepts and bringing them into our life can allow us to understand our place in this world on a microcosmic level and our place in the universe on a macrocosmic level.

Happy searching everyone!

Ben :-)

References

http://www.ushistory.org/civ/10c.asp
https://creativesystemsthinking.wordpress.com/2014/12/13/yugen-%E5%B9%BD%E7%8E%84-deep-awareness-of-the-universe/
http://upliftconnect.com/ikigai-finding-your-reason-for-being/

The Fear response, prehistory, realising potential and other wonders…

The slayer of dreams, the denier of possibilities, the vanquisher of authenticity .The killer of potential. Fear; we know what it is and we have all experienced it at some point in our lives. Some have overcome this monster and others have shied away and run in the opposite direction. Why is this? Why do some people view fear as a challenge and something to be overcome, and why do others cower in the face of it? A very interesting question. The emotion of fear is attributed to the primal part of our brain- the amygdala- and this is a component of the limbic system which is responsible for the processing of emotions. This region of the brain which is part of our ‘primal brain’, is near the base of the brain stem, and in times gone by it was this part of the brain that was primarily used. Since these prehistoric times and during the course of evolution, our brains have become more involved and much more complex as well as much bigger. This is why the area known as the amygdala is involved in the fight or flight response…because in these prehistoric times stoneage men and women literally had to fight or run for their food or for their lives to survive!

Anyway, back to the current day, and the amygdala still plays a hugely significant role in our lives. Our DNA and our brains have held on to these primitive parts of our ancestry and they are very much a part of who we are, and this is evidenced by our emotional responses. Fight of flight… The most basic response mechanism that is possible. Should I stay and face the adversary or should I run in fright. Our reaction in this situation will prove our mettle as a human being. What are we made of? Will we do what we would want to do and face the scary ogre in front of us, or will we not be able to stand up to the challenge?  For us homo sapiens in the modern age, The way in which this response presents itself is not so much in terms of our mortality, but more so in the acceptance of personal feats and challenges. Will we rise to the occasion, face our fear and overcome it, or will we back down in shame. This is a very pertinent question.

You see, in the modern age and especially in this age of expanding consciousness, more and more people around the globe are awakening to the way in which the corporate system operates and realising that they are just a cog in a relentless machine. When this realisation dawns, the cogs (no pun intended) begin to turn and a thought process begins from which there is no turning back from. We are working for somebody else and are in a never-ending cycle of bills and getting paid and mortgage repayments that never ceases. For the majority of individuals this is fine and it is true that you are a valuable and contributing member of society where your loyalty will pay off great dividends, but for others they want out of this race and they want to run their own race where they are only in competition with themselves and the rewards are great. They can see a horizon where greatness lay in the distance and where the feeling of being in this newfound reality is almost palpable. They WANT it… But the question is how can they get there? Before they can reach this horizon a fear needs to be confronted…a fear where instability paves the road and where security is lacking. Sure, you can stay where you are and live a secure life where you will never be wanting, but will you be happy? Will you be ok with the fact that you might have a regret about that chance you never took…that passion you never followed…that horizon you never reached? I’m guessing that you’ll be saying NO, so with that in mind, you will need to face your fear, and fight instead of flee. This will be hard as it is the road less traveled; but you know that you would have met the challenge and at least given it your best shot.

As it happens, we can ‘re-wire’ our brains to reduce the feeling of fear and to inhibit the fear response. This is great, because this potentially means that we have the ability to face greater challenges! This is what is called ‘neuroplasticity’, an area of brain study where one can create new neural pathways in the brain through the act of confronting a situation in a different way and thinking about problems in new and innovative ways. The reasoning behind neuroplasticity is that through the act of not thinking in the same way continuously and creating new ways of thinking we can build new neural connections. This also makes us smarter!

Similarly, by confronting fear continuously and facing challenges regularly, they become less daunting over time because the stimulus of fear is being aroused regularly and a conditioned response is no longer as pronounced as it once was. Long story short, face challenges regularly and you will surprise yourself at what you can achieve.

 Go forth and conquer!