Saturday, 25 November 2017

Zen and the Art of Conscious Relationships


Some might cringe when they hear the term ‘conscious relationships’, and this is understandable, it can seem like a bit of a pretentious term, but it is actually a very important term and one that is incredibly apt in its definition. So being conscious means that we are aware of what is happening around us, and of course, of the relationship which we are in. Hence, we are aware of our relationship, what is happening within it and how we act within it.
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I am not the best person to be talking about this topic as I have many failed relationships behind me…in some I have been the problem, and in others it was the other person. But from these previous relationships, I have learnt something from each one. I have learnt how I act and react in certain situations, what programs of conditioning have played out over the course of relationships, and what patterns of conditioning were learnt over time. But, the main thing is that I have learnt lessons from these relationships and have done my best to not replay past programs or patterns, but to be conscious of them so I can better the relationship I am currently in.

Related imageIn relationships, individuals can be quite selfish even if they do not mean to be. It seems that many people are in them until the partnership no longer serves them in some way and then they will move on. This can be fair enough, because sometimes the other person is just not right for you and the partnership will not work, so as a result parting is inevitable. Other times, the other person might match you in all conceivable ways and you are great as a partnership. But, always in relationships, we are challenged, and sometimes when we are challenged, we as humans like to turn the other way. Because, challenges can be hard and we want easy. We want to remain in our zone of comfort and not feel uncomfortable. Although as we know, growth occurs through adversity. In adversity, the challenge (whatever it may be) when it is confronted can allow us to grow as individuals. Challenges in any form are an opportunity for us to grow and evolve. When we are in that great place with someone, but we come up to a speed bump, don’t let that speedbump define the relationship, speedbumps will always be there so see the speedbump as a challenge to be overcome to allow growth.
When two people are in a relationship and an issue arises, if either party is not aware of what is happening and complications arise as a result a result of the issue, things could snowball fairly quickly, and before you know it a verbal fight could ensue. This is why it is so important to nurture a relationship and to allow it to be healthy through awareness of what is happening. A relationship can be a great opportunity for transformation and growth, and we can learn the most about ourselves in them.

In a healthy, conscious relationship, there are certain principles that need to be followed for us to allow the relationship to grow and to allow for our own continued growth on a personal level. These principles need us to be self-aware of the conditioned programs that we run in ourselves and also those repetitive cycles that we have played out in previous relationships. It is important and necessary to have an environment of honesty where all feelings are not hidden and are shared with your significant other. These feelings do not always have to be of the happy and positive variety, and more often than not they won’t be…anger, sadness, fear… all is fair game. As they say, sharing is caring! We also need to be self-aware and notice our feelings and thoughts, and share them with our partner. Finally, we need to realise that our Integrity is essential. It is so important that we say what we do and we do what we say. We need to follow through on our words or our promises.
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Be awake and aware of who you are and the relationship you are in. This nurtures you as a person and the relationship you are in. Only growth can come from this.


Yours in health,

Ben :-)

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