The Sound of Silence

It is in silence that we hear. The sound of Silence. Silence is golden. From artists to spiritual seekers, from gurus to Buddhists, or even good old home-spun wisdom, the necessity of silence in one’s life to realise your inner being is essential for a spiritual awakening. Why is silence seen as being so important? Well, when we are silent, we do not have any external distractions which will divert attention from the task at hand which is looking within. To be introspective and to look within, silence is necessary and important as it is through silence that we can have our greatest epiphanies. The reason for this is that there are no external distractions that will distract us from looking within. In this day and age where we have so many gadgets, it can really be hard to set aside time to sit in silence. We are almost conditioned to have noise surrounding us and intruding upon us, and it is not uncommon for us to be completing multiple tasks at once, and thus living in a state of mental chaos. I do recognise that the ability to multi-task is a skill, and one which is necessary in today’s world although it does make it harder for us to be in silence, be present and be aware in the moment.

The more we are in silence the more we crave it, and the more we want to be amongst it. So the more we practice being in silence in acts such as meditation, mindfulness or even just taking a walk in the park to enjoy the beauty of nature, the more we want to bring these practices into our lives. It seems that we don’t realise the benefits of bringing silence into our lives until we escape the sometimes chaotic, never-ceasing white noise of the world.

A big thing in this day and age is the Fear of Missing Out, or to use its popular acronym, FOMO. Now to miss out on something, we need to not be amongst the hubbub of the popular culture, be disconnected, forgo social media (God forbid!), and at least temporarily be out of the loop. I am not talking about an extended amount of time here at all… just a very small amount of time from your day to connect with your true being, or in other words to your essential self. Imagine if you went to an ashram for 2 months and you had to take a vow of silence for its duration! I would think that many of us today would find that to me virtually impossible! It seems that people don’t want to be ‘disconnected’ even for a short time…and in some cases it can even actually be anxiety-inducing! Wow, it makes me wonder what the world is coming to when a lack of  connection via a gadget causes anxiety!  Statistics have shown that on average adults use their smartphones approximately 5 hours per day! This might surprise some, and remember that this is an average, so some people will use their phones more and some will use them less, but nevertheless it is still shocking... it has also been shown that adults check their phone roughly every 6 minutes! It seems that we are literally addicted to our phones or at least the need to be technologically connected.

Ironically, this want of technological connection is causing an emotional disconnection which can affect our relationships, our stress levels, sleep quality and also our memory…but I think I’ll leave this for another time, as it is a very serious problem which can adversely affect many areas of our lives and is worthy of much more than a few lines.

Anyway, the take home message here is to find a few minutes of silence in your day each day as it will make you a calmer more peaceful person in this not so calm world that we live in!



Namaste,

Ben J

The Mask you live in

There is a proverb that goes ‘ You have three faces; the first face you show to the world, the second face you show to your close friends and your family, and the third face you never show anyone. It is this one that is the truest reflection of who you are’. This particular saying is attributed to the Japanese people, and I believe is it is an accurate statement of the individual. It is also quite sad that we feel the need to wear these masks. That said, I believe some people do learn to love themselves enough to feel that they can show their true face to the world and be proud of the person they are. Why can’t we just be the person we are? Why do we need to hide our true selves? To answer this is not necessarily easy as there are multiple impacting factors at work here.

The reason why we have these different masks that we wear is because we are afraid of how society will judge us and our true character. This in itself is sad because originality and uniqueness should be celebrated and not condemned. Sometimes it seems that certain people who have reached a certain status in this life can really only show their true selves and not be judges for it.

Well let’s analyse this proverb. The first face is the one that we show to the world… it is the mask that is socially accepted and that we present to the world. It is the one we wear on a daily basis which we wear when we interact with colleagues at work etcetera. Why do we wear this mask? As mentioned, this face we wear is socially accepted, we will not be judged when wearing this mask because we are just like everyone else. When everyone is the same, and there is no one standing out in the crowd, there are no stand outs and no one is a target.

The second mask is the one we wear when we are around friends and family. We are loved and accepted amongst these people, they know us and love us for the person we are… warts and all! Our eccentricities and uniqueness are embraced and celebrated. We are much more comfortable in these surroundings to be our true selves and be the unique and beautiful person that we are. We can let our guard down here and relax a bit.  

I think the third mask that it is said we wear is a bit of a grey area. I think some people might wear it and others don’t. This comes down to our individual personality. Are we an introvert or an extrovert? If you are an introvert, you might hide certain traits of your true nature, and they might only come out to shine in private (this is a real shame because nobody gets to see how unique you really are!), and even your friends and family might only get the barest of glimpses of your true personality. When it comes to extroversion, this socially outgoing person might just wear the one mask – the one of their true self- because they cannot be bothered with the smoke and mirrors of this silly game! They say accept me for who I am and if you don’t like it, bad luck! This is an awesome way to be, and it is such a liberating way to live. I applaud these people and their forthright attitude to life! 

These three masks that we wear, or more to the point, the shedding of these three masks that lead to our essential being, can all be related directly to our ego. The reason I say this is because we care about how we are seen by others, and we just want to be accepted and loved. Unfortunately in our minds, we think that society at large will not accept the uniqueness of our personality. Why is this? We have all been conditioned in some way as we have grown up, by our parents or by certain institutions… and all of these have told us how we should act in life. Certain things are accepted and others are not. As a result we have learnt to hide aspects of our being so that we are liked on a large scale. This is a very sad state of affairs when we are not loved for the person we are. It is things like this that remind me of tall poppy syndrome where people are ‘cut down to size’ for daring to be more than they can be.

The tides are changing and people are awakening to the shift in consciousness that allows them to be better than what they think they can be. Individualism is accepted and celebrated. The masks can be taken off and thrown to the sky. So,be who you want to be and let your freak flag fly!

Yours in health,

Ben J

The Breath.

The act of breathing… it is so simple, yet so profound. Breathing comes naturally to us…it really is second nature… yet it is this most simple of acts that sustains our life and is an absolutely essential act. If we were to stop breathing for a few minutes, we would die. It is said that at the one minute mark, brain cells start dying. Yes, this number does differ between individuals… there are the Russian ‘supermen’ who can of course stay under water for much longer periods, but for us mere mortals… we need to work with what we have!

The breath is more than an apparatus that keeps us alive, it is also a barometer to measure our own state of mind. When our breath is uncontrolled and fast, the mind is racing and erratic; you could even say it is in a state of chaos. But when the breath is controlled, even and is slowed down, so is the mind.  The mind follows the breath…so where the breath goes, the mind will follow. This truth has been realised by many people throughout history, and has been employed with great success. Yogis over the past two and a half millennia have used the act of controlled breathing to calm the mind. This practice is called pranayama and is the practice of controlling the breath. Our breath is the source of our prana; or our life source. There are many methods to practice pranayama, and each method has a different result. Some are for energising the body, some are for calming the body and mind and some are used specifically for meditation. The word pranayama is made up of two Sanskrit words which are prana meaning life force and ayama which means control. So pranayama means ‘to control our breath’ or to control our life force. So, when practising pranayama, we can control the pranic energy in our bodies and can achieve a healthy body and mind. In the yoga sutras written by Patanjali, he spoke of the importance of pranayama as a means of attaining higher states of awareness, and said that the act of pranayama is as important as achieving Samadhi (highest state of consciousness).  Because of this, pranayama is often practiced before meditation because it puts the mind in a state that is conducive to calm and stillness.

For our purposes here, living in the fast-paced western world where anxieties and frustrations are common in this driven society, pranayama can play a part in allowing us to achieve a much needed state of calm and peace. It doesn’t take long to practice, it can take as little as ten minutes. In fact, many practices of pranayama are only that long. To practice it, sit down, cross-legged if you want, otherwise any way is fine, and breathe. A simple method to follow is breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 2 seconds and breathe out for 4 seconds. When breathing out, it is important not just to exhale strongly, but to employ what is known as the ‘ujjayi’ breath. This particular technique -which is common in hatha yoga practice- is a controlled exhale where the throat is slightly constricted to elongate the exhale. When people become more adept at this practice, these times become longer, and this is because the diaphragm expands and allows for a larger intake of breath. When we breathe in, it is important not just to breathe in and raise the ribs, but to breathe into the stomach. This allows for a ‘fuller’ breath that is also more comfortable in this process.

The science of pranayama is quite involved and there are many different techniques, so it is important to follow particular methods under the guidance of a qualified yoga or pranayama teacher. This is advised because pranayama is about the movement of energy in the body, and according to some, if this is done incorrectly energy flow can be disrupted and disharmony in the body can ensue. On the contrary though, innumerable benefits can be reaped from this simple practice. Although all we need to know here is that a calm breath leads to a calm mind. Practice slowed and controlled breathing, and your monkey mind will become a lot calmer and peaceful.  If you need to bring some peace into your life, or are looking to deepen your meditative practice, give it a go and see what benefits you find.

Happy breathing!

Ben J

References

https://www.yogapoint.com/info/pranayama.htm

The myth of the ideal and the effect of words on our happiness

Many of us seek perfection in ourselves, and we look for it in the type of person we are and what we do in our lives. We compare ourselves to others, and if we think we don’t compare to them, we feel we are a failure. As Theodore Roosevelt once said, ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’. This statement is so relevant to all of us.

 We naturally hold ourselves to a high standard, and this is fair enough because we want to do well in what we choose to do, but as it turns out, high standards can be hard to reach and not always maintained. When we cannot always reach our own expectations and fall short of them we can be hard on ourselves and engage in negative self-talk. You know… ‘you are not good enough’, ‘you can’t even reach your own expectations’, ‘why do you even try…’ etcetera. All this negative self- talk which we engage in can take a toll on us. We think that what we are saying are just fleeting words that come out of our mouths, but they are recorded within us on a subconscious level and we hold onto this. Some say that this negative self-talk is actually recorded in us on a cellular level and can lead to sickness and ill health. So with this in mind, we can see that a positive view of ourselves and the world is necessary for our health! When we repeat this process regularly it can grow from a few words of negative self-talk to self-loathing. It can be a slippery slope. So although from the outside we look like well-functioning individuals, our psyche is fragmented.

In his book ‘The Biology of Belief’, Dr Bruce Lipton explains that if we interpret things in a positive way, we can begin living healthier and better quality lives, and it is this interpretation of events that sends new messages to the cells in our body and can actually reprogram them and change their cellular structure, thereby turning diseased cells into healthy cells. It sounds amazing and almost unbelievable, but the evidence is there. Similarly, there is a really interesting study which was conducted by Dr. Masaru Emoto in the mid-1990’s and observed the effects of words, sounds or affirmations on frozen water. The premise behind the study was that emotional energies or vibrations could change the physical structure of the frozen water. At the end of the study, Dr. Emoto made the claim that the frozen water exposed to positive speech and thoughts would produce visually pleasing ice crystals, while negative intent would produce ‘ugly’ crystal formations. 

From this we can realise that any negative self-talk or negative thoughts can have a detrimental effect on us and our well-being. None of us are perfect, and we are all works in progress, and are subject to our own human frailty. But we all need to know that we are more than what we think we are. We are a part of something much bigger than the here and now. This physical world we all reside in is our current place of residency, and while we are here, we just need to observe and learn the lesson…whatever that may be. The ultimate lesson being to find happiness within ourselves.

Look for the lesson.

Life, the role of perspective and mental health

This life that we are living is a wondrous thing, and we are very lucky to be here, but it does present  us with some of the biggest challenges and hurdles we will ever come across…life is after all the greatest challenge we will ever be presented with. It is ironic to think that we might see a marathon or a triathlon as a great feat, but this singular event will pale in comparison to the marathon of our life. Life is hard. Life is a struggle. But on the other side of the coin, life can be beautiful, life can be an opportunity to find joy and happiness. It all comes down to perspective, and how we view what is happening. Is the glass half full or half empty? The matter of perspective has been at the forefront of philosophical thought for millennia. One of the earliest remarks on the impact of perspective on human psychology was from the Buddha when he said “life is a creation of the mind”. Shakespeare echoed the same sentiment but said it more poetically with “there is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so”. Throughout the ages many have given their own twist to this, but essentially grappled with the same thought- it is our perspective of the world that creates it.

Perspective is not just about our view on life in general, but how we view situations. Two people can see the same thing differently. We as human beings are very complex entities, we are at the behest of both internal and external stimuli and most importantly, something that is known as The Human Condition. The Human Condition in a nutshell refers to the myriad situations that we encounter, the hang-ups and predispositions we hold onto, and the multitude of emotions within us and how this plays out in our microcosmic world and society at large. This is a lot to deal with and can lead to a lot of stuff floating around in our heads and which can result in stress and anxiety and negatively affect our physical and mental health.  As a result of this we can be in our heads a lot through excessive thinking and therefore create our own perspective of life and situations. This is not always a good thing, because we can tend to make up scenarios in our heads. Sometimes we might be right on the money in our viewpoint but other times we could be off the mark and not necessarily seeing things the way they occurred, but how WE think they happened.

Basically, we all have biases which can alter our perceptions of events, and this depends on our personality and our predispositions as mentioned, whether we are an extrovert, an introvert, whether we are depressed or anxious, optimists or pessimists. There are multiple reasons for our life perspective. But, the good news is that we can alter our basic approach to life if it isn’t serving us and alter our filter to perhaps become a more positive person and improve our general outlook on life… and perhaps preserve friendships.

Ugh. This can be a –excuse the term-  headfuck in itself, but sometimes it is necessary to do this for the sake of the other person or people involved in the situation. Perspective; it is a good thing to be aware of in our lives. It allows us to see multiple viewpoints of the same situation, and be well-rounded in our overall view of life. So if you feel depressed or as though you don’t have much colour in your life, perhaps it might help if you change the way you view life. Change the colour of the lens so to speak. Sometimes we need to look at the world through rose-coloured glasses to see how beautiful it really is. It could also improve our mental health in the process.

Yours in health,

Ben J

Motivation and habit: where one ends and the other begins

It seems that almost everybody starts out the New Year with great intentions of becoming a better person, or improving aspects of themselves. This is fantastic, and striving to be a better person is a much lauded and respected thing, although unfortunately for some people, it seems that the initial motivation that was the driving force for this personal change or transformation begins to wane and eventually drops off. Why is this? Surely, if we want to change something about ourselves or improve a part of our being we will stick with it and see it through until the desired result is seen. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Why? Because it requires the protagonist in this situation to do something different, something out of the ordinary, or more to the point, something out of their comfort zone. The majority of people don’t like to get uncomfortable. Some people do not like a challenge that takes them beyond their place of comfort, whether this is in an emotional capacity or a physical one.

So, I think first of all we need to understand exactly what motivation and habit are, why they are different and how does one become the other. As we know, motivation is strong, when it hits us we want to jump up and do whatever we are motivated to do right then! Carpe Diem. Seize the day. There is no time like the present! All of these adages apply. Let’s take a plan to begin exercise as an example. An individual will have grand plans to get out there and begin their new exercise program…motivation is high…and all they can see is success in reaching their goal. This is a great start, you could not ask for a better one. Although after a while, it could be a week, it could be a month, the initial motivation which was so strong has left us and our goals of improving our health and fitness have fallen in a heap. It has been said – by scientists, psychologists and physiologists- that for change to occur it takes a certain amount of time for change to occur. What is this magical amount of time I hear you ask! Well, there actually is no magic number in this situation, although it has been said to be approximately 18-30 days. 

In 1960, a doctor by the name of Maxwell Maltz stated in his book Psycho-Cybernetics: A New way to get more living out of life that it can take 21 days to incorporate a new habit into one’s life. In this book he argued that people take 21 days to adjust to any major life changes. Now this was based on his observations of amputees and how they adjust to a major life change. This was the first time that anything like this had really been written anywhere, and this number entered the public consciousness, and has been repeated by motivational speakers such as Jim Rohn and Tony Robbins for years.

It was over 50 years ago that this was first said, and much has changed since then in human psychology and the study of human physiology, so let’s bring this up to date. In Hal Elrod’s great book The Miracle Morning: the 6 habits that will transform your life, he states that one of the biggest obstacles preventing people from implementing and sustaining positive habits is that they don’t use the right strategy. They don’t know what to expect and they aren’t prepared to overcome the mental and emotional challenges that are part of implementing any new habit into their lives. So Hal uses a 30 day strategy to implement change in our lives to create a habit, and this is applicable to any area of our lives whether it be physical, emotional or spiritual. Furthermore, to make this a little bit easier on us mere human beings who can find change difficult, he breaks down the 30 days into three 10 day phases, where each of these phases presents a different set of challenges and mental roadblocks which enable us to stick with the new habit.

Alternatively, some psychologists argue that for a habit to form within us and become a regular part of our lives, it can take up to eight weeks. All these numbers are relative, as it depends how often the practice we want to implement into our lives and make a habit is performed or practised. If we indulge in exercise for example 3-4 times a week in comparison to once a week, exercise becoming a regular part of our life will happen a lot faster as we will naturally be more inclined to do it.

So, the initial spark of motivation will become an ingrained habit in our lives anywhere from 3-8 weeks from the point of implementation. The main thing is that you stick with it, follow strategies that are realistic for you to create change, and do not give up when things get hard or uncomfortable. When we implement change into our lives, enjoy the ride and the journey that ensues. Self-transformation is an amazing process that changes us both internally and externally, so how can we not feel amazing!

 

Happy New Year!        

Ben J

Sources:

The Miracle Morning, Hal Elrod, 2016.