The myth of the ideal and the effect of words on our happiness

Many of us seek perfection in ourselves, and we look for it in the type of person we are and what we do in our lives. We compare ourselves to others, and if we think we don’t compare to them, we feel we are a failure. As Theodore Roosevelt once said, ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’. This statement is so relevant to all of us.

 We naturally hold ourselves to a high standard, and this is fair enough because we want to do well in what we choose to do, but as it turns out, high standards can be hard to reach and not always maintained. When we cannot always reach our own expectations and fall short of them we can be hard on ourselves and engage in negative self-talk. You know… ‘you are not good enough’, ‘you can’t even reach your own expectations’, ‘why do you even try…’ etcetera. All this negative self- talk which we engage in can take a toll on us. We think that what we are saying are just fleeting words that come out of our mouths, but they are recorded within us on a subconscious level and we hold onto this. Some say that this negative self-talk is actually recorded in us on a cellular level and can lead to sickness and ill health. So with this in mind, we can see that a positive view of ourselves and the world is necessary for our health! When we repeat this process regularly it can grow from a few words of negative self-talk to self-loathing. It can be a slippery slope. So although from the outside we look like well-functioning individuals, our psyche is fragmented.

In his book ‘The Biology of Belief’, Dr Bruce Lipton explains that if we interpret things in a positive way, we can begin living healthier and better quality lives, and it is this interpretation of events that sends new messages to the cells in our body and can actually reprogram them and change their cellular structure, thereby turning diseased cells into healthy cells. It sounds amazing and almost unbelievable, but the evidence is there. Similarly, there is a really interesting study which was conducted by Dr. Masaru Emoto in the mid-1990’s and observed the effects of words, sounds or affirmations on frozen water. The premise behind the study was that emotional energies or vibrations could change the physical structure of the frozen water. At the end of the study, Dr. Emoto made the claim that the frozen water exposed to positive speech and thoughts would produce visually pleasing ice crystals, while negative intent would produce ‘ugly’ crystal formations. 

From this we can realise that any negative self-talk or negative thoughts can have a detrimental effect on us and our well-being. None of us are perfect, and we are all works in progress, and are subject to our own human frailty. But we all need to know that we are more than what we think we are. We are a part of something much bigger than the here and now. This physical world we all reside in is our current place of residency, and while we are here, we just need to observe and learn the lesson…whatever that may be. The ultimate lesson being to find happiness within ourselves.

Look for the lesson.

Life, the role of perspective and mental health

This life that we are living is a wondrous thing, and we are very lucky to be here, but it does present  us with some of the biggest challenges and hurdles we will ever come across…life is after all the greatest challenge we will ever be presented with. It is ironic to think that we might see a marathon or a triathlon as a great feat, but this singular event will pale in comparison to the marathon of our life. Life is hard. Life is a struggle. But on the other side of the coin, life can be beautiful, life can be an opportunity to find joy and happiness. It all comes down to perspective, and how we view what is happening. Is the glass half full or half empty? The matter of perspective has been at the forefront of philosophical thought for millennia. One of the earliest remarks on the impact of perspective on human psychology was from the Buddha when he said “life is a creation of the mind”. Shakespeare echoed the same sentiment but said it more poetically with “there is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so”. Throughout the ages many have given their own twist to this, but essentially grappled with the same thought- it is our perspective of the world that creates it.

Perspective is not just about our view on life in general, but how we view situations. Two people can see the same thing differently. We as human beings are very complex entities, we are at the behest of both internal and external stimuli and most importantly, something that is known as The Human Condition. The Human Condition in a nutshell refers to the myriad situations that we encounter, the hang-ups and predispositions we hold onto, and the multitude of emotions within us and how this plays out in our microcosmic world and society at large. This is a lot to deal with and can lead to a lot of stuff floating around in our heads and which can result in stress and anxiety and negatively affect our physical and mental health.  As a result of this we can be in our heads a lot through excessive thinking and therefore create our own perspective of life and situations. This is not always a good thing, because we can tend to make up scenarios in our heads. Sometimes we might be right on the money in our viewpoint but other times we could be off the mark and not necessarily seeing things the way they occurred, but how WE think they happened.

Basically, we all have biases which can alter our perceptions of events, and this depends on our personality and our predispositions as mentioned, whether we are an extrovert, an introvert, whether we are depressed or anxious, optimists or pessimists. There are multiple reasons for our life perspective. But, the good news is that we can alter our basic approach to life if it isn’t serving us and alter our filter to perhaps become a more positive person and improve our general outlook on life… and perhaps preserve friendships.

Ugh. This can be a –excuse the term-  headfuck in itself, but sometimes it is necessary to do this for the sake of the other person or people involved in the situation. Perspective; it is a good thing to be aware of in our lives. It allows us to see multiple viewpoints of the same situation, and be well-rounded in our overall view of life. So if you feel depressed or as though you don’t have much colour in your life, perhaps it might help if you change the way you view life. Change the colour of the lens so to speak. Sometimes we need to look at the world through rose-coloured glasses to see how beautiful it really is. It could also improve our mental health in the process.

Yours in health,

Ben J