No More Mr. Nice Guy

There is a condition that pervades the global society, it isn’t a medical condition or an ailment, it is purely psychological, and it has come to be known as the ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’. As the tag states, it only affects men, but not all men, only some. What is this? Isn’t being a Nice Guy a good thing? Well that is a loaded question, and one which I would say yes to, although there is a ‘but’ in there. I also know through experience that being ‘nice’ isn’t always a good thing as some people can take advantage of that.

Nice Guy Syndrome is when a man is essentially a people-pleaser. He wants to keep everyone happy and not get on the wrong side of anybody. If this is the definition, I guess it means that if you are keeping everybody happy, you are not necessarily having your own needs met. The leading expert on Nice Guy Syndrome, Dr. Robert Glover, says in his book ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’ that nice guys seek the approval of others, sacrifice their own personal power and often play the role of victim and are often disconnected from their own masculine energy. Wow, that says it all doesn’t it! Disconnected from their own Masculine energy. That should drive it home for all Men. What Man doesn’t want to be in touch with his own Masculinity?!  I always thought that being the nice guy was a good thing, and it wasn’t until it was brought to my attention that being nice can sometimes be taken advantage of. Sometimes you have to look out for no.1! 

It seems that people can almost sniff out the act of being nice, and as I said before it can be taken advantage of. This isn’t nice, and it is manipulative when another person does this, it seems that some people can almost smell the trait of ‘niceness’ on someone, and use this knowledge to satisfy their own needs or wants. One way of this happening is when it comes to women. Now, this doesn’t apply to all women of course, only some, and again it is to satisfy their own needs or wants. These desires could be emotional, physical or outright manipulative. Unless, a Man’s sexual orientation is for the same sex, Men love Women. That’s a given. So, sometimes in order for a Man to make an impression on the Woman he desires, he will do almost anything to please her, and to catch her eye. 

A woman can usually tell when a man has the hots for her, it is like a sixth sense. And depending on the Woman, she can use this to her advantage. It might be as simple and apparently innocent as feeding her emotional needs by allowing the Man to dote on her and treat her as a princess, or it might be a little bit more malicious, and she might use the Man by wrapping him around her little finger. But, who is at fault here? Essentially the man and woman are meeting each other’s needs. The Man feels wanted and is being with the one he desires, and the Woman’s emotional needs are being met.

From the above scenario, and what has been written about nice guys, it seems that they do -as they say- finish last, because they are basically being used. But, this isn’t to say that all Nice Guy’s are doormats. To be a nice guy is a trait, a part of the being that we are. One might call being a Nice Guy having good manners. An Individual still has strength of will, and this is another thing completely. Strength of Will is character defining. It is an individual’s outlook or belief that is dogged or cannot be changed. Other ways to describe this would be that of a person’s resolve or their iron will or their doggedness.

If you are a nice guy, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just don’t be defined by that. It is always important to have your own individuality and your own strength of will. Don’t be defined by someone or something else.

There is a lot more to Nice Guy Syndrome than has been mentioned here, I’ll write some more about it in another post. Until then, I highly recommend ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’ by Dr. Robert A. Glover. Much will be clarified on this societal trend, why it has come about and what we can do to change it.

Be safe and healthy,

Ben.

References

https://goodmenproject.com/guy-talk/breaking-down-the-nice-guy-syndrome-mlyd/

RA Glover, No More Mr Nice Guy, 2000.