Anger; the act of understanding it and gaining control over it

Anger. The word itself conjures up images in our mind, and we all have such visceral emotions when we here this word. This is because it is common to all of us, as we have all experienced it and we know the power of anger and where it can take us. Anger, if not controlled can take us to some deep, dark places, and get us into some very hairy situations. It is like an out of control car… it starts off as nothing major… perhaps an abrupt swerve on the road that can be pretty easily be corrected… but if we don’t right that swerve and allow the car to careen, it can very, very easily become out of control and can eventually lead to a car wreck.

Now, transfer this to our lives, and we can see how anger can very literally take a hold of our being and it can control us. It is like we have been taken over or possessed. As human beings, we are subject to the Human Condition, which is the state where we are at the whim of our emotions. If we allowed our emotions to control us and we just followed them blindly, we would literally go through the gamut of our emotional selves in five minutes. Happy to sad to angry to depressed to elated and back again in a very small space of time. Luckily, we have a brain, a central control centre where a specific area of the brain - known as the Amygdala - has control over our emotions. Another area of our brain – the pre-frontal cortex – is also the part of our brain that allows us to exercise logic and reasoning. If we put these two together (which our brain does), We can control our emotional selves and exhibit self-control.

Okay, so back to Anger. Anger, although an emotional response, it is a secondary emotion and is usually borne of something else that is happening in our lives. It could rear its ugly head through frustration in our lives, through powerlessness, or perhaps not being heard by others. It can show itself easily and fast. In some people it builds up over a long while and then comes out, while in others it comes out very quickly through reactivity. It depends on the individual, their personality, and also how close to the surface the initial emotion lies.

How can we see the onset of anger before it can take hold of us? Well, the answer lies in self-awareness. Knowing our own triggers, or in other words what we react to because certain things go straight to our core and hurt us. This itself, is another topic worth exploring because, these triggers (or past traumas) come from much earlier in our lives, and have stayed with us for a long time. 

To become self-aware and aware of our emotional triggers takes time, but it is time well-invested. Through introspection and, if you are inclined to take it further, meditation, we can find these root causes and insecurities which cause this anger to rise so easily within us. I’m not saying it is easy, it isn’t and it is a continual journey.  

When we can see the anger rising within us, and we can realise why it has, we have more control over our own emotions because we have an understanding of what has triggered this within us. This is the beginning of self-mastery.

To know thyself is to know the universe and the gods.

Ben.

Our Psyche and its various constituents, our Victim mentality and our Creative mind.

Our brains are absolutely amazing things, they are incredibly complex and are easily the greatest computer that the world has, or ever will know. Our brains are not just great computers capable of taking in massive amounts of information, but it is also the core operating unit for our entire working body, enabling limbs to move, eyes to see, body functions to occur and thoughts and feelings to be processed. Yes, our brain is not just a very efficient computer, it is also that which drives our consciousness, and our consciousness- which is absolutely everything about us, including our waking state, our sleeping state…absolutely any state – is who we are. Our consciousness is a doozy! And in its entirety, it can be completely mind blowing (pun intended!) We can think of our consciousness as multi-layered, with each layer representing an aspect of ourselves. We have the unconscious mind, the conscious mind, the subconscious mind and the super conscious which can also be called our Higher Self. For any Psychologists out there, I realise that there are different models that are referred to when it comes to the human psyche, but this is how I understand it and how I believe we can use this model to become better versions of our current selves.

Our mind receives a barrage of information every second of every day, a barrage of good things, bad things, mundane things, anything really! It receives so much information that it can’t process it all, and only takes in a limited amount. Kind of like an efficient filtering system! Much of this information goes into the Subconscious. A reservoir of information that is just stored there. There are memories in here from the womb, from childhood, from dreams, symbolism, inane memories that seemingly mean nothing, but have a great influence on our lives all the same. Our subconscious plays a major role in our life, it is on auto-pilot in the background, just recording and storing information. Next we have our Unconscious mind, and it is like the next layer of our psyche towards our Conscious Mind, although, it is still playing a supporting role in our consciousness, except the role it plays is a big one. The thing about the unconscious is that it takes notice of the thoughts which are spoken the loudest and have the greatest energy…our own self-talk…and this forms our belief system. These beliefs relate to ourselves and the world. It is like our core foundational structure that we strongly adhere to. Now, these beliefs that form the foundation of ourselves, also contain our beliefs about us and the person we are… views and assumptions of our worth and our character and what we can and can’t do. Our unconscious mind is also our ego. The main purpose of our ego is survival, and it wants us to listen to our unconscious, so we stick to ‘the plan’, as it may be. As I said, the ego plays it safe.

Now, our conscious mind listens to the unconscious mind, so we need to be wary of how we treat ourselves, do we speak kindly to ourselves or are we our own harshest critic? If you are anything like me… and the majority of humanity… you will probably listen to the negative voices that are inherent within you. Those voices that say we aren’t good enough, or who do we think we are to be a successful person. This is our ego just rearing its ugly head and trying to pull us back in line. Our ego is our identity, and when we have aspirations to do better than our current lot and achieve more than we have, our ego tries to pull us back in line and tell us that we aren’t good enough to do that. Well, this is bullshit. We are good enough, the only person holding us back is ourselves, and the fact that we are listening to false ideas fed to us from our fear-based ego. If we listen to our ego, we are living in Fear whether we know it or not.

So, from here, our conscious mind takes notice of the unconscious, and what is going on there. What is it telling the conscious aspect of our brain. What have we been telling our unconscious? Have we been nice to ourselves or not? Remember, our unconscious has listened to the thoughts with the greatest amount of energy, and our conscious mind picks up on this. When these unconscious beliefs enter the conscious mind, It is as though these beliefs become solidified. They are a part of us now. 

When we listen to our ego and the fear-based rhetoric that it spouts, we human beings cannot reach our potential because we are remaining in our victim mentality. If, on the other hand we do not listen to that voice and go forth and create the life we want for ourselves, we have not bought into the state of victimhood and have entered our Creator; That part of ourselves that is working with our natural energetic flow and is our Higher Self. This is our natural state of abundance, and is the polar opposite to our fear-based thoughts. This is the state of Love.

We are all victims and creators; it is our choice as to what we want to have the most influence in our lives.

Go and create something beautiful!

Peace and Love,

Ben.

Spiritual Alchemy, and what the past has shown us

Alchemy; the art of transmuting base metals into gold. It was an art form steeped in mystery and which was a lifelong pursuit for those who chose to pursue it. It was a path with many twists and turns strewn with many unsuccessful experiments and failures. The path of Alchemy would often prove fruitless, with many men spending their entire lives hidden away in a dark, dingy basement mixing chemicals and powders hoping that this next concoction would provide them with the riches that they so desired. Although the process was futile for many, there have been a few alchemists throughout history who have said that they have achieved the seemingly impossible feat of turning base metals -such as lead -into gold. Alchemy as we know it was the predecessor to modern day chemistry, and many of the elements on the Periodic Table can be attributed to the experiments – both successful and unsuccessful – of the Alchemists of a bygone era.

The Art of Alchemy, which is still practiced by some today, had it’s heyday back in the middle ages- and was relegated to basements and to the underground because it was considered to be a Dark Art. Alchemy was not banned or illegal, but it was frowned upon by the church authorities. We must remember that in the Middle Ages and the Medieval period that the Church was the governing factor of all things. The Church and God were the highest authority in the land.

Now, Alchemy was also highly esoteric, and as well as being concerned with the transmutation of base metals into gold, it was also about one’s relationship with nature and the natural world. It took into account the four elements – Earth, Air, Fire and Water – and the manipulation of these elements to produce the desired results. With this in mind, Alchemy was deemed heretical and at odds with the Church. Because as the church saw it, only God could command the elements…and certainly not a mere mortal… thus, why it was hidden from view by ordinary society. If we look at some of the alchemical symbolism, we can see that their language was highly symbolic, and conveyed esoteric knowledge. The Alchemist’s needed to shield their knowledge from the Church authorities, but was there another reason for this secrecy. It was as if the Alchemist’s were hiding a great secret. Was there something more to Alchemy than met the eye? Well, we also know that Alchemist’s were searching for the elixir of life which could extend a person’s life.

So, was this ‘life elixir’ something more than for this physical life. Was the art and language of the Alchemist’s so esoteric and difficult to decipher because within it was hidden a great secret that could only be known to the Alchemist’s themselves? It has always been a theory that Alchemy was an allegory for something much greater, and that was the search for our own soul. The search for our own Spiritual Self that would allow us to gain immortality through transcending our own mortality and realising our Spiritual Self. This is what Spiritual transformation really is.

 When we realise that we are part of all things and part of the Universe itself, we feel free and more at ease because we know that the trials and tribulations of the mortal world are relatively small in comparison, and don’t matter as much in the big scheme of things. This knowledge was why the Alchemist’s work was hidden, or occult, because it contained a knowledge that ordinary society might not be ready for. If we look at some of the artwork concerning Alchemy, we can see that it is highly symbolic and representative of the natural world. It also contains symbolism from Astrology and Tarot amongst other esoteric arts.

Today, the world is much more liberal in its outlook, and widely accepts Spirituality and the knowledge that we all have a Soul, although back in the Middle Ages and Medieval period it was highly dangerous to look beyond the views of the Church. We are very lucky in the modern age that life has changed and progressed, and differing views on Religion and Spirituality are highly accepted.

Keep Searching for your own elixir.

Peace and Love always,

Ben.

No More Mr. Nice Guy

There is a condition that pervades the global society, it isn’t a medical condition or an ailment, it is purely psychological, and it has come to be known as the ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’. As the tag states, it only affects men, but not all men, only some. What is this? Isn’t being a Nice Guy a good thing? Well that is a loaded question, and one which I would say yes to, although there is a ‘but’ in there. I also know through experience that being ‘nice’ isn’t always a good thing as some people can take advantage of that.

Nice Guy Syndrome is when a man is essentially a people-pleaser. He wants to keep everyone happy and not get on the wrong side of anybody. If this is the definition, I guess it means that if you are keeping everybody happy, you are not necessarily having your own needs met. The leading expert on Nice Guy Syndrome, Dr. Robert Glover, says in his book ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’ that nice guys seek the approval of others, sacrifice their own personal power and often play the role of victim and are often disconnected from their own masculine energy. Wow, that says it all doesn’t it! Disconnected from their own Masculine energy. That should drive it home for all Men. What Man doesn’t want to be in touch with his own Masculinity?!  I always thought that being the nice guy was a good thing, and it wasn’t until it was brought to my attention that being nice can sometimes be taken advantage of. Sometimes you have to look out for no.1! 

It seems that people can almost sniff out the act of being nice, and as I said before it can be taken advantage of. This isn’t nice, and it is manipulative when another person does this, it seems that some people can almost smell the trait of ‘niceness’ on someone, and use this knowledge to satisfy their own needs or wants. One way of this happening is when it comes to women. Now, this doesn’t apply to all women of course, only some, and again it is to satisfy their own needs or wants. These desires could be emotional, physical or outright manipulative. Unless, a Man’s sexual orientation is for the same sex, Men love Women. That’s a given. So, sometimes in order for a Man to make an impression on the Woman he desires, he will do almost anything to please her, and to catch her eye. 

A woman can usually tell when a man has the hots for her, it is like a sixth sense. And depending on the Woman, she can use this to her advantage. It might be as simple and apparently innocent as feeding her emotional needs by allowing the Man to dote on her and treat her as a princess, or it might be a little bit more malicious, and she might use the Man by wrapping him around her little finger. But, who is at fault here? Essentially the man and woman are meeting each other’s needs. The Man feels wanted and is being with the one he desires, and the Woman’s emotional needs are being met.

From the above scenario, and what has been written about nice guys, it seems that they do -as they say- finish last, because they are basically being used. But, this isn’t to say that all Nice Guy’s are doormats. To be a nice guy is a trait, a part of the being that we are. One might call being a Nice Guy having good manners. An Individual still has strength of will, and this is another thing completely. Strength of Will is character defining. It is an individual’s outlook or belief that is dogged or cannot be changed. Other ways to describe this would be that of a person’s resolve or their iron will or their doggedness.

If you are a nice guy, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just don’t be defined by that. It is always important to have your own individuality and your own strength of will. Don’t be defined by someone or something else.

There is a lot more to Nice Guy Syndrome than has been mentioned here, I’ll write some more about it in another post. Until then, I highly recommend ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’ by Dr. Robert A. Glover. Much will be clarified on this societal trend, why it has come about and what we can do to change it.

Be safe and healthy,

Ben.

References

https://goodmenproject.com/guy-talk/breaking-down-the-nice-guy-syndrome-mlyd/

RA Glover, No More Mr Nice Guy, 2000.

The Masculine Identity - A Perspective

In today’s society we have reached a point where there is a battle of the sexes. This is not a new thing, it has been this way for over 50 years. It was in the 1960’s when women began burning their bras in support of Women’s Rights. Feminism was born. The 1960’s was a time of revolution; social revolution, cultural revolution and conscious revolution. It was a time of growth.

Anyway, it was during this time of Revolution that many women wanted equal rights to men and they no longer wanted to just be housewives and mum’s. They wanted careers, they wanted recognition and they did not just want to be a support for their men. They wanted to be seen. Fair enough too! Why shouldn’t they be recognised for the people that they are!? They say that behind every good man is an even better woman… and Women wanted to show how good they were. Unfortunately, it was with the advent of Feminism, that clashes between the sexes occurred. Men felt threatened with this burgeoning wave of Women’s Rights. What if Men were pushed off their pedestal and they lost their spot to a Woman?! Shock, horror! That would surely be the end of the world!

Well, this was over 50 years ago, the world didn’t end, there wasn’t a definitive battle between male and female, and the world went on. The social fabric had not been ripped. Feminism was maintained over the years, although in conjunction with this, it seems that Men were undergoing their own evolution, or de-evolution as it may be. It used to be that a boy became a man when he left school and got a job. With this came responsibilities; Mortgage, Family, Husband, Father. It seemed that Life itself allowed you to become a Man. Well, when Feminism came into play and when it seemed that the social fabric was being threatened, the fragile male psyche also became threatened. Men were losing their identities. This was a perception, but it was taken on board all the same.  The delicate social fabric was gradually being torn down. Questions arose; and Males asked; ‘If I lose my identity, who am I’? A generation of men had the same thought.

It seems that this Generation of men who had this thought passed this on to their sons. And their sons took this on also; although it was felt more acutely. This new generation of Men had lost their identity - not all, but some – and they felt lost. They had lost their Masculine essence. They had lost their sense of direction, and therefore had lost their purpose.  As a result, many men today are just mere shadows of their former selves. Some Men experience depression and anxiety, some function well, although have an overt shadow side to their being, and this can come out through violence or criminal activity. Some are lost and can never realise their true power.

Part of the problem here is that many Men two generations ago allowed themselves to be defined by their work, their career or their job. The problem with this is that jobs and careers come and go. One day you have one and things are good, the next day you might have it pulled away from you. Whoosh. Identity gone. What just happened?

 Maybe we need to look at Manhood differently now. As Bob Dylan once said, ‘The times they are a’ changin’’. Society isn’t what it once was. Jobs are harder to come by and life is much more complicated. Men as a whole need to find an identity that anchors them with their Sacred essence – their Sacred Masculine- and not something that society dictates.  Men need to find their Sacred Self; their Divine Masculine; their core.

Life is hard, that will never change. Their will always be challenges, but what we need to know is that through challenge, growth is sure to come. Men, accept the challenge and grow as a result. Find your Sacred Masculine and honour it.

There is no division in this world except perceived division, the two halves of Masculine and Feminine create the whole. Two opposites create the whole. This is the principle of Yin and Yang. Unity is all there is. Society creates the division. Realise the truth and accept the man that you are.

Peace to All,

Ben.

Intuition, Innocence and our Higher Self

Intuition, we all have it. We all have an innate ability to access this part of ourselves. In fact, it isn’t just a part of us, it is us. When we come across a psychic, we might marvel at their ability to access this information they can gather about somebody else’s past or future. Some people are naturally gifted with obvious psychic abilities, and they don’t need to hone their gift because they already have it. But for most of us, if we want to realise this side of ourselves we need to practice getting in touch with these gifts. But the question remains… how do we do that?

If we want to access our psychic abilities, or our intuition, as these are one and the same, we really just need to be in our natural state, in the flow. We don’t need to be someone we are not, and definitely don’t be rational. Leave your left brain behind and work entirely from your right. The reason why we can’t allow logic or reasoning to step in is because, these thought processes – logic and reasoning - are attributed to our Ego. There is nothing wrong with the Ego, it is a survival mechanism, it instils confidence in us to go out and do and achieve what we want to do. Although, in this exercise, the Ego, through allowing our brain to exercise logic and reasoning, isn’t letting our brain be in that free-flowing state where we can use our right brain faculties of creativity and intuition.

As soon as we try and rationalize what we are seeing and try and apply logic to it, the intuition process goes right out the window! When this happens, and we try to rationalize the intuitive process, we lose it. The flow is gone, and any message that we have received or the feeling of any Energy from somebody else just vanishes. Whoosh! It is gone. Why is this? Applying logic to things is good, right? Well, not in this instance it isn’t. Logic and rationalizing allow us to make sense of this world that we live in. They allow us to see how things are and why they are, how they relate to other things and generally help us to make sense of any given situation. This is the domain of the left brain. Logic and reasoning. How we perceive the world, and how we organize things so we can make sense of seeming chaos.  The right hemisphere of the brain is responsible for creativity and intuition. So, for example many artists, psychics of all sorts and musicians are said to be right-brain thinkers.  No-one is considered to be one or the other, as all of us use both sides of our brain. Both hemispheres of our brain are connected by a band of nerve fibres called the corpus callosum so information from both sides of the brain can travel freely from one side to the other. So, we are not definitively a left or right brain thinker. With that said, to access our Intuitive Self, we need to utilise our right side of the brain.

William Whitecloud, Speaker, Author, Intuitive and Creator, has simplified how we can access this state, and it is surprisingly simple. I speak from experience on this, as I am currently taking part in his online course called Create Your Destiny, and I am having epiphanies almost daily about myself!  In order for us to reach this intuitive state, William says that we need to get in touch with our Innocence. This in itself is profound. Think back to when you were a kid, maybe 5 or 6 years old, before you had realized the harsh realities of life. Things were easy and life was simple. Sure, you had no responsibilities and you didn’t have to look after yourself, but life was simpler, you didn’t worry about things and life just happened. Well, we need to access that state. Clear your head and leave your ego at the door! William has played with the word Innocence and re-named it In No Sense, as this is the true state we need to access. We need to enter that place where we no longer make sense of the situation. Just be in the flow of what is happening. In No Sense is a state of awe outside of thoughts and feelings (ego), and this is the bridge to intuition. Our intuition is our Higher Self speaking to us. When we listen to our Higher Self, we are truly honoring our Spirit, as this is our true spiritual state.

Try this out for yourself and see how it can work for you. Or if you are keen, have a look at https://naturalsuccessacademy.com/ for further information on how you can access this state.

In Peace and Love,

Ben.

References

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/right-brainleft-brain-right-2017082512222

William Whitecloud, Create Your Destiny Workbook, 2019.

The Sound of Silence

It is in silence that we hear. The sound of Silence. Silence is golden. From artists to spiritual seekers, from gurus to Buddhists, or even good old home-spun wisdom, the necessity of silence in one’s life to realise your inner being is essential for a spiritual awakening. Why is silence seen as being so important? Well, when we are silent, we do not have any external distractions which will divert attention from the task at hand which is looking within. To be introspective and to look within, silence is necessary and important as it is through silence that we can have our greatest epiphanies. The reason for this is that there are no external distractions that will distract us from looking within. In this day and age where we have so many gadgets, it can really be hard to set aside time to sit in silence. We are almost conditioned to have noise surrounding us and intruding upon us, and it is not uncommon for us to be completing multiple tasks at once, and thus living in a state of mental chaos. I do recognise that the ability to multi-task is a skill, and one which is necessary in today’s world although it does make it harder for us to be in silence, be present and be aware in the moment.

The more we are in silence the more we crave it, and the more we want to be amongst it. So the more we practice being in silence in acts such as meditation, mindfulness or even just taking a walk in the park to enjoy the beauty of nature, the more we want to bring these practices into our lives. It seems that we don’t realise the benefits of bringing silence into our lives until we escape the sometimes chaotic, never-ceasing white noise of the world.

A big thing in this day and age is the Fear of Missing Out, or to use its popular acronym, FOMO. Now to miss out on something, we need to not be amongst the hubbub of the popular culture, be disconnected, forgo social media (God forbid!), and at least temporarily be out of the loop. I am not talking about an extended amount of time here at all… just a very small amount of time from your day to connect with your true being, or in other words to your essential self. Imagine if you went to an ashram for 2 months and you had to take a vow of silence for its duration! I would think that many of us today would find that to me virtually impossible! It seems that people don’t want to be ‘disconnected’ even for a short time…and in some cases it can even actually be anxiety-inducing! Wow, it makes me wonder what the world is coming to when a lack of  connection via a gadget causes anxiety!  Statistics have shown that on average adults use their smartphones approximately 5 hours per day! This might surprise some, and remember that this is an average, so some people will use their phones more and some will use them less, but nevertheless it is still shocking... it has also been shown that adults check their phone roughly every 6 minutes! It seems that we are literally addicted to our phones or at least the need to be technologically connected.

Ironically, this want of technological connection is causing an emotional disconnection which can affect our relationships, our stress levels, sleep quality and also our memory…but I think I’ll leave this for another time, as it is a very serious problem which can adversely affect many areas of our lives and is worthy of much more than a few lines.

Anyway, the take home message here is to find a few minutes of silence in your day each day as it will make you a calmer more peaceful person in this not so calm world that we live in!



Namaste,

Ben J